Long gone

I grew up in a family where my parents are always 100% supportive of everything I do, or want. I did quite well in school, study wise, sports wise. Just well balanced. I admit that, at one point I got it easy. Probably because it was just my routine and my routine was to be on top of my game. Or at least, just adequate, for my liking and my parents'. That's the reason why they're always supportive. It's because they know I can juggle different elements which are equally important to me. And I love that feeling of being able to go home and deliver good news for them.

I can't seem to do it know. Or is it the harsh reality of life hits me when I least expect it to? Maybe. But nevertheless, I didn't expect my "juggling abilities" nowadays to be this, bad. I lost that touch, and therefore the sparkle that I long to see in my parents eyes, are also, silenced. I thought I can do it, but this much I know is true:

Good things don't come easy in life.

Only those who have proved themselves worthy are "eligable" to enjoy all the majestically great feelings that comes with success.

I tend to be critical on myself all the time. The negative kind of critical. Which doesn't help at all. Whatever it is, I know that I need to keep on going. It's just that, sometimes even my own interest are not coherent with my goals nowadays. And this is bad. I need to change, and I need to change fast.

One thing about MY motivation, it aggresively fluctuates. Sometimes it's there, and well, sometimes it chooses not to reveal itself up until the point when you start to think about your CGPA.

And how you can deal with another spirit-killing grade, even after working harder than before. It's just, not a nice place to be.

This time it's different, i worked extra hard for it. I know i deserve something better. But how come ............? Sigh.

Now, being out in the real world, those high school days are long gone; and i need to do some adjustments. Allah knows best, InsyaAllah.